Frustration and Setbacks

After 6+ months of prayers and talks,  we felt is was time to officially move forward.  We talked to our agency and decided to take the plunge.  We got our application to fill out and submit this week.   Then...  setbacks.

We have discovered quite a bit of damage from some critter(s) to our house siding.  Many, many holes,  weakening the wood siding all over our house walls and definitely a problem that will need to be fixed asap.   Unfortunately,  it appears that the repairs,  along with the window repairs we are finding ourselves making (due to mold and rot), will wipe out our meager adoption budget. We are very grateful to discover this now,  instead of the middle of our adoption process,   but still very frustrating.

Still,  we know God is in control and can work out the impossible.   We will continue to pray and look for ways to move forward as the Lord allows us.

Thoughts on Winnie

Winnie -- a 23 month old toddler living in China in an orphanage.   My oldest daughter and I had looked at her picture and video on 2 different adoption sites for special needs children over the past few weeks.   She had a cleft-lip repair and was reported to have a "mild" heart condition.  She was a beautiful little girl with jet black hair and round cheeks.  The surgical scars on her lip just added to her character. 

In the videos,   Winnie just sits quietly,  looking at toys,  not really playing.   Her eyes never made contact with anyone.  Not even once.  It broke our hearts to see such a sad, sad little baby.   "We should adopt her, Mama,"  I was told.    I thought, "Maybe we could".  Maybe, once we got a bit farther along with our homestudy,  she could be our daughter.

Yesterday,  I noticed she was gone from the site.  Encouraged that possibly someone else could get to her sooner,  I asked the advocate leader if she was officially claimed.   Today I got my response.  Winnie had died.  

Was her "mild heart condition" not so mild?    Could she have been saved with better medical care and love?   Would she have died no matter what?  I don't have any answers for that. Her picture is gone off the site,  nothing to remember her by.  

I am not sure what to even write at this point.  Except that I'm sure it happens more than we realize.  The reality of how vulnerable orphans are really hit home today.  

Rest in peace, sweet girl.